


I remember every look upon your face

by cpiklor



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Athletic Liam, Breakups, College, College Sports, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Long Distance Relationships, M/M, Smut, Summer break, WIP, but also shy liam at times, its complicated, liam and zayn went to different high schools but grew up in the same area, liam is super popular whereas zayn has maybe two or three good friends, liam swept him off his feet, lots of emotions in this fic so get ready and pls don't hate me, lots of love though like it gets sickeningly sweet, past emotional abuse, past relationships are brought up, shy/awkward zayn, small-town au, so thats where a lot of the plot will take place, sorry for all of the unnecessary tags, they also go to different colleges, this fic is centered around their job in the deli kitchen, this is a work in progress, zayn just wants love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 02:56:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14392779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cpiklor/pseuds/cpiklor
Summary: Zayn thought his summer break was going to be his most boring one yet - his new job was working him to levels he'd never experienced prior, which meant he rarely had free time away from the greasy deli kitchen to mentally prepare himself for his upcoming second year in college.Until the deli got a new employee. Liam.Liam was one of the hardest-working employees in the grocery store, Zayn could tell already. He listened intently to every instruction he was given, and nearly perfected everything - whether it be breading chicken, slicing cheese, or just chatting up the customers during lulls.Liam was beautiful in every sense of the word - golden-brown hair with deep brown eyes, tall, slim, and fuck, he was toned. His biceps were noticeable even through their chunky cloth work shirts. He was ridiculously kind and hilarious, too. Everything made him laugh, and Zayn had yet to witness him in a bad mood.The complete opposite of Liam, Zayn was broody and shy, with black hair, olive and a love for quiet spaces. He had a killer bitch face, which made him less approachable, and no wonder Liam wasn't sure about him. He could do better than someone like Zayn.Zayn was fucked.





	I remember every look upon your face

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE: first chapter has been completed. :) My last semester just ended, so I have a two-week break before working full-time in the summer. I'm gonna try my best to complete this in a timely manner, but I also don't want to rush it. Thank you for the lovely comments, they really have encouraged me to finish the first chapter! Once again, this is the first thing I've ever written, let alone published, so please be kind. Constructive criticism is always welcome. :)  
> Also, a lot of the plot revolves around text messages. I'm trying to adapt some of them into face-to-face conversations, but there will be a few 'text' conversations. I hope that doesn't bother you.  
> One last thing: this chapter was mainly introducing the scene and some characters, so I apologize for any choppiness.  
> \--  
> This story has been running through my head like crazy recently, and it's taking me some time to figure out how to properly get everything down as accurate-yet-story-worthy as possible, because it was inspired by something that - you guessed it - happened to me last year. It was a beautiful relationship that unfortunately left me devastated, and you guessed it again - we worked together.
> 
> That's all I'll say for now, though. I hope you don't hate it too much.
> 
> xo

Zayn was beyond exhausted. It was a hot early-summer day, and he was sitting in a cramped employee break room in the back of a chain grocery store, yawning through his three-hour-long orientation. He had finally landed this job after pleading with his sister, Doniya, who worked in the store’s produce department.

_“I really need this job. At least just tell your manager that I’m looking and open, or something,” Zayn begged._

_“Fine, I’ll see what I can do. No promises though - and we won’t be in the same department. That’s against policy.” Doniya replied._

Now, looking through all of the policies and paperwork, Zayn was wondering what he’d gotten himself into. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he looked over his work schedule for the very next day. _Eight hours on my first day. That’s just cruel._ Zayn groaned internally.

His new job was in the deli department, which appeared to be considerably more work than Zayn’s seen Doniya laze about in produce. Zayn had to be trained on the meat and cheese slicers, frying and prepping chicken, and memorizing all of the production that took place each day.

 

\--

“Fuck. Shit. Shut up,” Zayn grumbled at his alarm. Throwing his arm over his bed to turn off the incessant beeping coming from his phone, Zayn dragged his legs off of the bed and stood up, still half-asleep. _It’s too fucking early for this, he groaned at himself._

Zayn stumbles into the bathroom right outside his bedroom and groggily brushes his teeth before getting in the shower, eyes half-closed and yawning.

The hot water does little to wake him up, and after mistaking his own shampoo for his sisters, effectively giving Zayn the scent of _cocoa butter, for god’s sake_ , he stepped out of the shower. A towel wrapped around his slim waist, Zayn entered his bedroom and scanned the floor for his work shirt. Pulling on the thick, black cloth along with some black skinny jeans, Zayn observed himself in the mirror. His hair was rumpled every which way, not quite dry, and his eyes gave him the feel of the walking dead. “Screw it,” he mumbled.

Grabbing his keys from off of the coffee table, he went outside to start his car and begin his trek to his newest job.

 

\-- A WEEK LATER

An hour or two into the seventh shift of Zayn’s new job, he had already put in enough hours to be considered full time, and he was _exhausted_. He was not about to quit, though - the money was nice, and he had already made some new friends that put up with him despite his slow beginner’s work and shy demeanor. Tiffany, one of the coworkers around his own age, was his favorite. Funny, kind, and patient with a great work ethic, she was quickly becoming a great friend to Zayn.

Looking up from the pile of cheese he was slicing for a customer, Zayn’s breath got caught in his throat. He was absolutely winded, and nearly sliced the skin off his finger from not paying attention. Across the kitchen, Zayn’s manager Louis was talking to a boy who appeared to work in another department. Laughing at something, the boy threw his head back, showing off his white teeth and a slight birthmark on his neck that Zayn wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t staring so intently.

“Uh, here you go, sir,” Zayn wrapped up the cheese, priced it without paying attention, and handed it back to the old man over the counter before nearly running into Tiffany. “Who is that guy?” Zayn casually asked her, nudging his shoulder in the direction of the ridiculously attractive boy.

“Oh, that’s Liam. He works in produce, but rumor has it he’s thinking about switching departments to back here in the kitchen. I’m surprised Doniya never mentioned him to you,” Tiffany commented.

“Yeah, I’ve never seen him before,” Zayn coughed out when he realized she was watching him stare, quirking an eyebrow up with a smirk. He couldn’t help it though - the boy was mesmerizing. Sandy brown hair in effortless waves, tall and muscular, Zayn was _definitely_ going to pinch his sister for not introducing him earlier.

“Hey, Zayn?” _Shit. That’s his manager, probably coming to scold him on just standing around and dawdling instead of helping with the line of customers._ “This is Liam. He’s going to be working back here in a few days, but for right now he’s just going to be watching and training. Figured I should introduce him to the newest crew member,” Louis said with a wink.

Flushing, Zayn stuttered out a “Uh, hi,” before the other boy held out his hand.

“Nice to meet you. You’re Doniya’s brother, right?” the boy, Liam, asked. “She’s pretty upset with me for transferring, but I had to get away from Simon. He’s awful.” Liam chuckled.

_Zayn had heard all about the terrors of working with Simon. Tiffany’s own brother, Thomas, had ended up switching from produce to cashier after Simon had berated him nearly to tears for putting the grapes in the wrong spot._

“Ha, yeah. I’m sure she is,” Zayn got out, slightly uncomfortable. He needed to escape this situation. Liam was looking at him so earnestly and kindly that Zayn couldn’t _breathe_. “Hey, Louis? Is it okay if I go on my first break?”

Sighing in relief after Louis’ salute of _okay_ , Zayn nearly tripped over his own feet after running out of the slippery kitchen and into a solid body. “Oh, shit, I’m - Sam! I didn’t know you worked here!” Sam, one of Zayn’s longtime friends from school looked up from the basket of oranges he was holding.

“Hey man! I didn’t know you worked here, either! Today’s my first day, what about you?” Sam replied, flipping his deep brown fringe out of his face before pulling Zayn into a hug.

“I’ve been here for a couple weeks, in the deli. It’s a lot of work but I’m actually finding myself enjoying it. It’s even better now that I know somebody else besides my sister,” Zayn said with a smile.

“Yeah, I feel that. It’s good to see you! I’ve gotta get going though, don’t want Simon to fire me on my first day for socializing. I’ll see you around,” Sam threw over his shoulder with a grin as he walked towards the produce back room.

Feeling considerably calmer, Zayn looked up only to choke back what little serenity he’d held in. Liam, the insanely attractive - no, _hot_ \- boy was staring right at him, smiling shyly. Throwing up a smile that probably ended up being a cringe-worthy attempt at a grin, Zayn turned around, stumbling as quickly as he could into the break room.

 

\--

“Just do it, mate. You’re coworkers. You have a valid reason in adding him on Facebook,” Zayn’s best friend, Niall, told him while not-so-subtly wiggling his eyebrows.

Flushing a deep burgundy, Zayn quickly threw his phone on the bed before he could make the huge mistake of pressing the **Add Friend** button. He had spent what felt like _hours_ internet stalking Liam, and found himself memorizing each photo. The only photos Liam had actually uploaded were of him running cross-country, wearing ridiculously tight purple spandex shorts that had Zayn’s cheeks heated up just thinking about them. “I can’t. We’ve only spoken a couple times, he’d think I’m a right weirdo,” Zayn groaned, wiping his hands over his face and leaning back against Niall’s pillow.

“Hmm, well, too late. It’s done,” Niall whispered out before plopping a kiss to Zayn’s cheek and falling back on top of Zayn, Zayn’s phone in his hand.

“ _What_?! Niall! Why would you do that?” Zayn nearly screamed out, hitting his friend atop his peroxide-blond head, “He isn’t going to accept it. He’s going to think I’m a damned creep. I hate you.”

“No you don’t. You’ll thank me later,” Niall laughed out, rubbing Zayn’s arm.

 

-

Hours later, watching a cheap film he was struggling to hear over Niall’s loud chewing of popcorn, Zayn’s phone lit up. Reaching his hand over the bundle of blankets next to him, he grabbed it, nearly choking on a breath.

**Liam Payne accepted your friend request. Swipe to check out his profile.**

“Shit! Niall! He accepted it!” Zayn wheezed out, struggling to catch his breath. His heart was pounding out erratic beats, and Zayn honestly wasn’t sure why he was freaking out so much. It’s not like he’s _in love_ with this boy. He was just… attractive. And nice. And cute. “What do I do?”

“Message him, you dolt. See what that bulge looks like in person,” Niall teased, eyes still glued to the TV.

“I hate you. I need a new best friend,” Zayn resigned, turning off his phone and throwing an arm over his eyes.

_Ping_. His phone lit up again. _Probably just my dad wondering when I’ll be home_ , Zayn thought to himself. Grabbing his phone, he unlocked it without even looking at the screen. About to type out an excuse, he let out a shriek. He was in the Facebook Messenger app, looking at a new message from none other than _Liam Payne_.

**“Heyyy so I have a question”**

“Niall, oh my god. He messaged me,” Zayn squealed, his heart racing out erratic beats. Shaking slightly, he typed out a message with sweaty palms:

**“Yeah what’s up?”**

Niall, having scooted closer to observe the exchange over Zayn’s shoulder, let out a sigh. “‘ _Yeah what’s up?’_ How boring can you be?”

“Shit, Niall, leave me alone,” Zayn replied with tight lips. “He’s typing! Oh, my god.”

“I bet he’s going to ask you out. Oh, my god, this is monumental. I need to call Harry.”

“No, Niall, shut up -”

_Ping_. **“You and Sam are friends or something, right? I saw you guys talking together the other day.”**

Zayn held his breath, staring at the wiggling three dots that signified Liam wasn’t done typing. _Why is he asking me about Sam?_

Another _ping_. **“Well, he just added me on Facebook as well and I think he’s cute haha.”**

_Oh._

_That’s -_

Zayn’s breath hitched, and he was trying to subtly wipe his eyes after what felt like an hour of staring at that message because _it’s allergy season, okay_ , before Niall noticed but -

“Shit. Zayn, shit. What a prick.”

Zayn forced out a laugh. “How is he a prick for asking me about my friend? It’s not like I have feelings for him, Niall. Plus, Sam is better looking than me, anyway. I’m not even surprised,” he told himself.

_And it was true, too. Sam was always more interesting to talk to, look at, hang out with. Zayn found himself in the shadow of his childhood friend all throughout their schooling. Sam with all of his cool friends, Sam who had people actually show up to his parties. Dark brown hair with deep blue eyes and a tall stature, Sam was the obvious choice._

_It wasn’t like Zayn never had any friends in school. He was reasonably well-liked, with a close group of friends including Niall, and their other mate Harry, who had a knack for trouble. So Zayn wasn’t a_ total _loser. He just never got any attention from cute boys or girls, having to constantly watch Sam drift away towards the popular crowd; the footballers, the cheerleaders. Their time spent hanging out together dwindled (it seemed like just yesterday that Sam had snuck over to Zayn’s after trick or treating when they were 10, sorting out their candy and discussing the best costumes in hushed voices) and Zayn found himself comparing his life to that of Sam’s._

But it wasn’t like Zayn was _jealous_ or anything. Being jealous would require having feelings for Liam, and Zayn definitely _did not_ have feelings for this random boy that he barely knows. This random, gorgeous boy who Zayn only thought about at night when he was feeling extra lonely, thinking about how his light scruff would feel against Zayn’s thighs -

_Fuck_.

“Zayn, mate, you alright?” Niall was staring at Zayn with careful eyes, “You should respond, tell him to fuck off or somethin’.”

Zayn pinched his eyes closed, forcing a neutral expression on his face before daring to look his friend in the eyes. “I’ll tell Sam what’s going on. Maybe he won’t even be interested.”

Deliberately ignoring Niall’s fluttering eyebrows and a _“Well, at least you know he’s gay”_ , Zayn punched out his response:

**“Aw, that’s adorable. Want me to talk to him for you?”**

_Ping_.

**“Umm, I don’t know.. I haven’t really done this before lol.”**

**“It’s okay. I’ll be your wingman ;)”**

Zayn switched out of the chat with Liam, and, true to his word, opened up a new one with Sam with a tight heart.

**“Hey, Sam, I have some interesting news. My coworker Liam thinks you’re cute and he wanted me to tell you.”**

Honestly, Zayn was not completely sure about Sam’s sexuality (he hung out with _lots_ of people in high school, and their friendship never felt close enough for deep and emotional declarations of sexuality), but he was feeling a little petty - and definitely _not_ heartbroken - and decided, _fuck it_ , he would just jump straight to the point. Whatever happened was Liam’s problem.

 

\--

It took a little while longer for Sam to finally respond,  
Zayn having gone home for the night from Niall’s. Zayn was halfway through washing his face when he heard his phone _ding_ from his bedroom. Rinsing off the soap with a racing heart, Zayn nervously made his way back to his room, swiping open his phone with a shaking thumb, not wanting to open the message that may end up breaking his heart:

**“Hey Zayn! Really? Liam? That’s really flattering, but I’m actually going out with someone right now! Liam’s fit though, so maybe I’ll keep in touch for those late nights if you know what I mean ;)”**

Zayn let out a shaky exhale, exiting out of the chat without responding and feeling decidedly giddy for some reason - definitely _not_ because Zayn liked Liam. Zayn doesn’t _do_ feelings or relationships anymore. He was just concerned that Sam didn’t have the best intentions, and if Sam’s last statement was anything to go by, he was right.

Having feelings for your coworker is never a good idea, which is _exactly_ why Zayn didn’t have feelings for Liam.

_“It wouldn’t work out,”_ he forced himself to believe.

Yeah, there was the obvious factor of Liam’s extreme attractiveness, and willingness to help out whenever he saw Zayn struggling, and the way his crinkly-eyed smile makes Zayn feel lightheaded in an _incredible_ way, but those were just platonic feelings. There was absolutely no way that Zayn had a massive crush on Liam.

(And if he ended up having a dream later that night that involved lots of cuddling, holding hands, and _moaning_ with a certain brown eyed boy, well, no one had to know about that.)

 

\--

“I’ll take, uh, two pounds of that Swiss cheese on sale, please,” an elderly customer pointed his finger at Zayn. “And don’t make it too thick.”

Sighing, Zayn grabbed the cheese from the cooler and looked at his watch. _Only four and a half hours left. Take a deep breath._

Unraveling the plastic wrap without lifting his eyes, Zayn whirled around and headed toward the cheese slicer when he strode right into a solid form. “What the -”

“Shit, I’m so sorry Zayn, are you okay?” Liam looked like a wounded puppy, steadying Zayn around the shoulders with his _strong_ hands and staring him deep in the eyes.

“Yeah, mate, I’m fine. No harm done,” Zayn managed to chuckle out.

Hastily escaping Liam’s grasp and returning to his slicer after hearing an impatient _ahem_ from the old man, Zayn tried focusing on the little crumbles that fell as he sliced to distract himself from thinking about how beautiful Liam’s eyes looked - chocolatey brown speckled with hints of gold - and unconsciously rubbing the shoulder that Liam had gripped the firmest. _Just friends_ , he willed himself. _Liam doesn’t think about you like that. Get your shit together._

Weighing up the slices, Zayn handed over the cheese before turning around and finding himself, once again, face to face with a wide-eyed Liam.

“Hey, um, can I talk to you for a second?”

Zayn was mesmerized, and only forced himself to speak after realizing he probably looked like an idiot just staring at Liam like that. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go in the back?”

Re-wrapping up the block of swiss he was using, Zayn put it back into the cooler before following behind Liam on shaky legs. They went into the back stockroom, Liam peering around the shelves to see if anybody else was back there. “So, did you talk to Sam?”

Zayn braced himself with a grimace. “Uh, yeah, about that. I told him that you were interested in him, but he said he’s dating somebody at the moment.”

After he finished speaking, Zayn looked up to see Liam’s face fall into a perfectly depressing puppy dog look, eyes falling and bottom lip jutting out.

“Oh.”

 

Zayn couldn’t help but to place his hand on Liam’s shoulder, rubbing soothing circles ( _into the noticeably hard muscle_ ). “I’m sorry, mate. It wasn’t easy for me to tell you. These things happen, and you’ll find someone. Don’t worry,” he replied, definitely _not_ hoping to be that someone while schooling a neutral expression.

“Hey, it’s not your fault. Thanks for helping me. You’re a good friend,” Liam whispered without lifting his eyes. “We should probably get back to work before Louis freaks out.”

Zayn watched him walk back into the kitchen, all slumped shoulders and dragging feet, and he couldn’t help but feel - hopeless. Like he was wasting his effort.

Sighing, and trying to stem the flow of the tears that were threatening to overtake his eyelids with his shirt sleeve, Zayn tiptoed back into the kitchen, carefully avoiding Liam’s eyes.

 

\--

_Ping_.

**“Hey”**

_Why does he do this to me?_ Zayn thought, staring at Liam’s tiny profile icon before deciding to type. **“Hey, what’s up?”**

**“Idk, I’m just feeling a little sad I guess. Figured you could cheer me up :)”**

Zayn swallowed back a gasp, trying not to dwell on cute that was. **“Aw, I’ll do my best ;) what’s wrong?”**

A few minutes pass, and then:

**“I keep thinking about Sam. I know he doesn’t like me, but there’s just something about him that I can’t get out of my head… earlier today I walked into the produce kitchen during my break, and he was just there. He was cutting a watermelon, standing there looking incredible, and I just. Idk. It felt different. I haven’t felt this way since my last relationship, which was a year long”**

Another _ping_. **“Sorry for the rant :(“**

_Wow_. Hearing Liam talk about another man the same way Zayn thought about _him_ was almost unbearable. He was breathing quickly and deeply, shaky hands covering his eyes as he willed himself not to have a full-blown breakdown. Not knowing how to respond without giving away his feelings, Zayn settled with:

**“you really like him don’t you”**

The three dots jiggled and bounced so energetically that Zayn was sure they were taunting him, taking their sweet time before Liam’s message popped through. Zayn didn’t bother looking at it, though. Connecting his phone to the charging cable, he tossed it onto the floor and crawled beneath his covers, quivering slightly. _“He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t like me,”_ repeated endlessly through his muffled sniffles, lulling himself into a restless sleep.

 

\--

The next day at work, Zayn was determined to ignore Liam. Which considering their shifts overlapped for four hours, was getting to be a little difficult. Tiffany was starting to notice, too, if it wasn’t clear by the way she kept nudging Zayn and whispering short _“You okay?”s_ whenever they crossed paths. Zayn felt a little guilty for being so standoffish, pushing her away with a curt nod, but he couldn’t help it. He finally admitted to himself his feelings for Liam, and he was determined to get over his wasted emotions.

“Zayn. _Zayn_. Come here,” Tiffany pulled at his sleeve, urging him over to the little corner next to the oven. Only five feet tall, Tiffany was easy to overlook but the solid determination on her face made the ordeal seem much more serious.

Zayn sighed, and relented to being dragged by his coworker. “What do you want? I need to finish those sandwiches before noon.” He crossed his arms, willing his best _don’t mess with me right now_ look onto his face.

“What’s going on with you and Liam? And _don’t_ tell me it’s nothing. I consider you and I to be friends, and friends deserve honesty,” she shot out. “Liam is a mess, but he won’t tell me what’s wrong. He put the macaroni salad in the chicken cooler, for Christ’s sake,” Tiffany slapped her hands onto her face, jostling her glasses, and let out a sigh.

“What do Liam’s mistakes have to do with me?” Zayn was starting to get impatient, not wanting to care about why Liam was sad. It hurt too much to think about.

Tiffany brushed it off without a flinch, continuing her interrogation. “You’re both off your game today. You haven’t said one word to Liam, and you’re being ridiculously rude to me and Eleanor. There’s clearly a link there, and you need to spit it out before I figure it out myself.”

Slightly uncomfortable under his coworker’s intense gaze, Zayn looked up and watched Liam from the other side of the kitchen. It was clear he was distressed; he kept pacing and picking up the same piece of paper over and over again before eventually balling it up and throwing it away. Standing behind the trash can, Liam looked up and met Zayn’s eyes with a shy smile before turning around and retreating into the cooler.

It was all Zayn could do to run in there with him and kiss off the seemingly-permanent devastated look that’s been on Liam’s face since they last spoke.

Stifling a sniffle, Zayn looked down at Tiffany, and stuttered out, “I like him. I have a huge crush on him, but he doesn’t like me back. He likes my friend who works in produce, and he tried getting me to see if Sam liked him back, but he didn’t, and now he’s been all depressed and he always messages me about _him_ and I can’t take it. I can’t help wishing that he had those thoughts about me instead of my stupid friend, but I’m also confused at my own feelings because I’ve only known Liam for what, a month? And I already feel like I’m falling. I don’t know what to do.”

Covering his face with his hands, he knelt down to sit on the little stool that Louis kept in the corner. He felt a light grip on his arm, and peeked through his fingers to see Tiffany with a concerned look on her face.

“Zayn… I had no idea. I mean, I kind of got the vibe you thought he was cute, but I had no idea it was this deep. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Tiff. It wasn’t meant to be. I just wish I could get over it and actually have a normal conversation with him without bursting into tears.”

Tiffany hummed, and Zayn looked up.

“I know this probably won’t help, but I also thought he was into you as well. Like, the way he looks at you… I don’t know. But what I _do_ know is that you need to talk to him. I don’t care if you tell him you want to have his babies or you hate him, I don’t care. Just talk to him.” Looking out at the crowd of people waiting for their hams and turkeys, she sighed. “I should probably go help Eleanor. She’s probably so annoyed at us.”

She was right - Eleanor, his other coworker around the same age as him and Tiffany, was quite clearly struggling, racing around the slicers and shooting a glare at their little gathering whenever she got the chance, brown hair falling out of her usually perfect top knot in her haste.

Chuckling at the distant _“Fucking finally”_ he hears when Tiffany rejoins Eleanor, Zayn resigns to find Liam. Headed towards the cooler, he wonders what he’ll end up stuttering out.

Peeking open the door, the frigid air hitting him like a stiff breeze, he finds Liam just standing in the middle, staring vacantly. “Hey mate, you all right?”

Liam whipped his head around so quickly Zayn was sure he’d gotten whiplash. “Shit, Zayn, what are you doing in here?”

Zayn smirked. “It’s the cooler, mate. Am I not allowed?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. I came in here to grab some more potato salad, and then I just… zoned out, I guess. I have so many thoughts running through my mind right now.” Liam looked so earnest and so terribly _confused_ that it was all Zayn could take from reaching up to squeeze him into a hug.

“I know, man. I’m sorry. I know I’ve been sort of standoffish lately, but you can always talk to me.” Zayn replied softly, eyes fluttering shut for a moment.

“Thanks, Zayn. Really.” Liam’s smile reached his eyes this time, crinkly and bright, and it took Zayn by surprise when he realized how much he’d missed seeing it these past few days.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “Anytime.”

Work continued as normal, despite Zayn maybe not laughing as hard at Liam's stupid jokes, and Zayn caught the other lad more than a couple times just staring off into space. He won't mention it, though.

 

\--

It was Zayn’s first day off after six straight days of working, so he couldn’t _quite_ understand why he was being woken up at what must be a god-forsaken hour of the morning.

Groaning, he tried to hide himself inside his bundle of blankets. The effort was pointless, he soon found out, when the blanket was ripped off of him with a soft giggle.

“Safaa, get out of my room. ‘M trying to sleep.” Zayn moaned out, gently pushing his little sister off of his bed.

“Baba says you have to get up. I have Katy’s birthday party later and he has to work so you have to take me,” Safaa ushered out, still giggling through Zayn’s fruitless attempts to fall back asleep.

_Of course._ “What time is it even?” he yawned.

“Ummmmm… seven thirty-two.”

Sitting up, Zayn raised an eyebrow in the middle of a stretch. “You have to go to a birthday party at seven thirty in the morning?”

His little sister looked up at him with wide hazel eyes. “No, but I still have to buy her a present and Baba told me to wake you up before you slept through the entire day.”

Zayn chuckled, mumbling a soft _“That was the plan”_ before stretching out his legs.

“Alright, I’ll get up. Give me half an hour and I’ll make breakfast.”

Reaching out to tickle her, Safaa screeched and giggled at a ridiculous pitch and ran out of the room, leaving Zayn alone with his thoughts.

After what was probably closer to forty-five minutes, Zayn gets up from his bed and heads toward the bathroom, grabbing a towel along the way. The steam from the shower helps wake him up a little, and his thoughts are soon bombarded with swirls of Liam’s chocolatey eyes, his impossibly white teeth peeking behind his lips. Zayn tried not to think about how those plump lips would look around a moan, his biceps straining while he pounds into Zayn -

Zayn lets out a whimper, putting both hands up against the wall and taking a deep breath. “You’ve gotta stop, mate. Having sexual fantasies about your very-uninterested coworker is terrible,” he tells himself. Very deliberately focusing on the elderly customers that come to the deli, Zayn manages to distract himself from his sexual tension considerably before stepping out of the shower.

He wraps his towel around his waist before heading back inside his bedroom. Throwing on a pair of joggers and his favorite tee, he pads down the stairs towards the sound of Spongebob SquarePants.

“Hey cutie. Where’s everyone else?”

 

“Ummm, Baba had to work and Wali is with her friends,” Safaa said from under a throw blanket on the couch. “Can you make pancakes?”

“Sure, buttercup,” Zayn chuckled.

 

-

“Okay Saf, here’s Katy’s present. Baba will pick you up tomorrow morning, okay? Call me if you need anything,” Zayn pressed a kiss to Safaa’s head before she ran off into her best friend’s house, giggling madly.

“Bye Zayn!”

Smiling, Zayn got back in his car and checked his work schedule on his phone. Swiping through his recent photos, he realized he never took a photo of the new schedule. Sighing, Zayn begrudgingly started his engine and drove to the grocery store.

The drive was just long enough that Zayn forgot all about Liam, and didn’t pay him any thought until he strolled past the deli kitchen into the back room to take a couple pictures of the schedule.

“Two days off in a row, huh? Must be nice.”

Zayn whipped his head up, looking around for the source of the voice - he was _sure_ he hadn’t seen anybody back here when he walked in. Looking up to find Liam on the other side of the desk, he groaned internally. “Didn’t see ya there, mate. But, uh, yeah. Probably just gonna sleep all day tomorrow,” he said with a shy chuckle, averting his eyes from the painfully bright brown ones above him.

“I’m sorry, I saw you coming back here and I’ve been having a shit day working and could use a break. I can go back…” Liam replied, looking embarrassed, the tips of his ears turning scarlet.

“No, no, mate, you’re good. What’s been going on?” Zayn said quickly. He mentally slaps himself because he already _knows_ why Liam is upset, and he doesn’t really want to hear it again.

“Eh… I saw Sam in the break room. Was sorta weird, but. What can you do?”

Liam looked so sad and hopeless in that moment, his eyes downcast, and Zayn was so tired of seeing this beautiful man anything less than ecstatic and thriving on life.

“I don’t even know why I’m still strung on it,” he continued, chuckling. “We never even went out. I just need to get my mind off of it.”

That was like a slap in the face to Zayn. Laughing bitterly, he mumbled a short _“I can relate”_ before turning away from the warm body that doesn’t seem to be doing anything but hurting him lately.

“Shouldn’t you go back to work?”

Liam looked like a deer in headlights, flushing a deep red before saying, “Oh, yeah, right. ‘M sorry, mate. I’ll see you ‘round. Have a good day off tomorrow.”

_Fuck_. “Liam, wait.” Watching as Liam hesitated in the doorway, Zayn continued slowly, not even knowing _what_ exactly he was doing. “Says here you have tomorrow off too?”

“Yeah, Louis gave me a few days off for once. Probably not gonna do anything. Don’t have many friends, you see,” Liam did this sort of painfully sad laugh, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck and looking - _hopeful_?

Zayn took a deep breath, willing his hands not to shake, and stuttered out a quick: “Would you wanna hang out tomorrow then? Or something.”

It was magical, the way Liam instantly just lit up. His smile went from shy and anxious to full-blown giddy, white teeth blinding. His eyes crinkled for the first time in what felt like forever, his cheeks looked almost painful the way they were lifted so high, and Zayn almost didn’t catch the breathless _“Sure, yeah”_   that slipped out of those plush, pink lips.

“Um, great! Text me after you get off work and we’ll discuss, yeah? Don’t wanna keep you back here too long,” Zayn chuckled, averting his eyes and unconsciously running his fingers through his short quiff.

“Yeah, great. Will do,” still beaming, Liam stumbled through the swinging doors back into the kitchen. He looked back over his shoulder at Zayn, leaving him breathless.

“What the fuck am I doing,” he groaned, leaning down to hit his head on the desk.

 

\--

“ _That’s_ what you’re wearing on your date?” Niall scoffed, plucking the fabric of Zayn’s tee shirt.

Zayn flicked him on the nose. “It’s not a date, dip shit.”

_(After Liam messaged him last night about wanting to check out a few stores at the mall, Zayn had most certainly planned out the most un-date-worthy clothes -_

_But not before hyperventilating and heavily sweating for a few minutes. Because, Liam was picking him up. To hang out.)_

“It totally is. This is amazing,” Niall giggled and started texting dramatically on his phone.

“Stop texting Harry! This is not a date! He doesn’t like me like that. Plus, _I_ asked _him_ out.” Zayn tugged on Niall’s bleach-fried locks, not wanting his curly-haired mate to freak out and come over with his entire collection of hairsprays and colognes, sitting Zayn down with a blow-dryer and some hair gel because _it’s not a date, for god’s sake._

“Zayn, honestly. Liam is _picking you up_. You could just as easily have met at the mall, but he insisted,” Niall teased.

“He’s just being friendly.”

“Or it’s a date.”

“It’s not a fucking date -”

_Ding_!

Niall squealed, “It’s Leeyum!” and ran out of Zayn’s bedroom towards the foyer, Zayn hot at his heels.

“Niall, stop, let me answer the door,” he moaned out, struggling to grasp at his friend’s outstretched sleeve.

It was too late. Niall had reached the front door first, and flung it open. “You must be Leeyum,” he said sternly, but his smug smile gave him away - he was nearly bursting at the seams with energy, his ocean-blue eyes sparkling.

“Uh, hi? I, um, brought this for Zayn, I didn’t realize someone else would be here,” Liam said shyly, holding up two chocolate Frostys from _Wendy’s, for Christ’s sake._

Stepping out from behind Niall, Zayn near-audibly gasped. Liam looked _incredible_ \- he was wearing a pastel blue plaid button up with tight khaki pants, and his hair was falling in soft waves across his forehead. He looked absolutely nervous to shit, too, fidgeting his feet as he held the two ice creams in his hands.

“Um, hi, Liam. Sorry, this is Niall. My best mate,” Zayn nudged a shoulder toward his friend who was looking between them with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Uh, you ready to go? Wanna get out of here before Saf gets home. My little sister,” he said towards Liam’s confused gaze.

Liam smiled, his eyes crinkling before nodding. “Yeah, let’s go before these melt all over your floor.”

Stifling a giggle, Zayn bit his lip and headed towards the door, looking back at Niall and tossing him the spare key. “Lock up when ya leave, okay?”

Ignoring Niall’s inevitable cheeky comment, Zayn closed the front door and followed Liam outside to the driveway. He let out a laugh at the sight before him, chuckling out, “You drive a _minivan_?”

Liam flushed and set the ice creams on the roof of the van. Wiping his hands on his khakis, he shook his head in a laugh. “Don’t judge me. It was my dad’s but he got a new sports car so he gave this to me. Reckon it does the job, as ugly as it is.”

Zayn laughed and reached up to grab his Frosty. “I like it. And how did you know I liked Frostys?”

Looking awkward this time, Liam got into the driver’s seat and waited for Zayn to do the same before answering, “I may have overheard you telling Eleanor that you used to work at Wendy’s, and how you’d always eat these on your breaks. Dunno why I brought them today, guess I just figured you’d be hungry?”

Desperate to get the sheepish look off of Liam’s face, Zayn took a huge spoonful out of his Frosty and gave Liam a grin. “You were right. I love Frostys. Thank you, Liam.”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Liam beamed. Tipping back his nearly-melted cup, he drank it down before backing out of the driveway. “So, I hope you don’t mind early 2000s pop. That’s the entirety of my playlist.”

Normally, Zayn would have gagged. That was definitely _not_ his taste, but he found himself nodding along and murmuring a soft _“Yeah, I don’t mind”._

The trip to the mall passed by in a blur. Singing along to High School Musical and Britney Spears, Zayn was having the time of his life. He couldn’t stop himself from glancing over at Liam every couple minutes, staring at the pure uninhibited way Liam sang out to the top of his lungs, doing a little shuffle dance in his seat.

He couldn’t stop laughing, either. And if the way his heart kept doing flip flops every time Liam met his gaze was anything to go for, Zayn knew that he was falling harder and harder for this ridiculous boy with the infectious laugh and heartbreaking smile. Zayn was all in.

 

-

Walking down the clothing wing with full bags in their hands, Zayn checked his watch. “Wanna get some lunch or somethin’?”

Liam looked over and met Zayn’s gaze with a shy smile. “Sure, mate. Cheesecake Factory?”

Zayn’s heart fluttered; he grinned. “I _love_ Cheesecake Factory.”

They looked around for a directory and quickly located the restaurant on the second level. Walking alongside Liam, Zayn was feeling decidedly giddy. He couldn’t help but feel like this _was_ a date.

When they arrived at the restaurant, there was no line leading up to the hostess. Liam cleared his throat and smiled a little at the girl behind the pedestal. “Uh, party for two?”

The girl, Zayn was a little annoyed to notice, fluttered her eyelashes and gave Liam an appreciative gaze. “Sure, right this way,” she squeaked out. She led them to a booth in a relatively empty part of the restaurant, handed them their menus and walked away after saying their waitress would be right with them. Zayn gave her a glare when she smiled a little too long at Liam and brushed her fingers against his while passing the menu.

Clearing his throat slightly, Zayn sat down across from Liam and perused his menu. Coming to a decision on the chicken alfredo, he set his menu down and took a sip of his water. Liam peered up at him from behind his own menu. “Whatcha getting?”

“Alfredo. You?”

“Hmm, that sounds good. I’m thinking about the burger, honestly. ‘M pretty hungry,” Liam replied a little sheepishly.

The waitress chose that moment to appear, winking at Liam and commenting, “Great choice. We have some ace burgers. Made up your mind?”

Liam smiled. “Yes, I’ll have it. And he will take the chicken alfredo, thank you.”

“Out soon, loves,” the waitress nodded, blonde hair bobbing in her bun, and jotted down their orders on her little notebook, grabbing their menus.

After she walked away, Liam cleared his throat a little. “So, um. I wanted to talk to you about something?”

 

Heart racing, Zayn wiped his suddenly-sweaty palms on his jeans and nodded shakily. “Yeah, what’s up?”

 

Liam took a deep breath. “I know you’re probably tired of me complaining about this, but I guess I just wanted to know more about your friend? Sam?”

_Oh_. Zayn’s heart halted, and he had to swallow back the lump in his throat. He shouldn’t have been this surprised; he knew it was too good to be true. Liam liked Sam, and he hung out with Zayn solely to get more information on him.

Zayn was a fool to think anything else. He was a fool to read too much into the way he noticed Liam looking at him a little softer, a shy smile on his lips. It didn’t mean anything, and that hurt a lot more than he was prepared for.

Realizing he probably looked a mess for immediately dropping his gaze and taking short breaths, Zayn looked up and stuttered out, “Oh, um. What d’you wanna know?”

“I guess, uh, just his interests and stuff. I figured if I knew more about him, I could spring up the courage to talk to him and at least try to be friends. I feel like a right idiot every time I pass him,” Liam chuckled into his napkin, staring at Zayn with those chocolate eyes that Zayn felt sick meeting with his own.

“I don’t know, mate. He likes skateboarding and shit, hanging out with his mates and partying. You could just ask him yourself, y’know,” Zayn spat out, unintentionally cruel.

It was a blessed moment, that their food came right then, because it provided Zayn a distraction from the sudden shock and hurt in Liam’s eyes, the way his posture dropped and his bottom lip jutted out. He can’t deal with that right now - he would probably crack from the devastation on Liam’s face.

“Right, um. I’m sorry,” Liam mumbled out, twirling a French fry in his fingers and dropping it back onto his plate.

Zayn sighed. “I’m sorry, too.”

_Sorry for not being good enough._

 

-

The drive home was painful. Neither of the boys spoke a word to each other until they got back into town. Zayn only looked up from his lap when he noticed Liam pull into his driveway and shut the car off, turning to look at him.

“Hey.”

Zayn barely met his eyes. “Hi.”

“I feel like you’re mad at me for some reason, but I’m not sure what I did, and… I just don’t want to ruin this friendship. You’re a really great friend to me and I don’t wanna lose you. Zayn, I’m sorry if I did something. I had fun, regardless…” Liam muttered out.

Sporting his best fake smile, Zayn replied, “I had fun, too, mate, swear. I’m just not myself lately. Thanks for hangin’ out, see you at work.” He grabbed his multitude of shopping bags, and hopped out of the van, not wanting to be in there a moment longer. Barely sparing Liam a second glance, he sped up his drive before the tears could fall.

“Zayn, you’re home! Who’s that?” Safaa bounded out the front door, greeting her older brother with a hug.

“Hi, Saf. ‘M not feeling so well so I’m gonna get to bed, okay?” he ruffled her hair and grabbed her hand to pull her along inside. “Let’s go in the house.”

Kicking off his shoes, he said hello to his parents and ran up the stairs to his bedroom, passing Waliyah on the way.

“What’s up your ass, loser?” she smirked at his puffy eyes.

“Shove off, Wali,” Zayn kicked open his door, deposited his bags on the floor and flung himself onto his bed, not bothering to undress.

His body racked with sobs. _“Why does this always happen to me? I always want who I can’t have. Fuck me. Fuck Sam,_ ” he stuttered out.

Zayn’s pillow soaked with tears, he drifted off into a restless sleep with dreams involving swirls of chocolate and golden hair.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it??? Honest opinions, please. Also, let me know if you spot any errors, whether they be grammatical or just odd placement or something.
> 
> I hope this wasn't awful. Like I said, it's a little tricky to turn a memory into a story that's worth reading. Plus, I've had to make some adjustments to a few plot points just to keep it going a bit.
> 
> Any errors are mine.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. Let me know if you want me to finish this and continue the next chapter. I'm a little self-conscious, haha.
> 
> xo


End file.
